Self-help or self-destruction?

Do you every get that feeling of being unsure? I don’t really know how to explain, it’s just this weird feeling in your stomach that makes you feel uneasy and confused. I’m still not sure why I get this feeling, maybe it’s from not being active enough, or just being lazy and choosing Netflix rather than accomplishing things, or maybe it is just an emotion that is a part of me.

I’ve had it this week because I have a pain that is making me feel sick, I’ve had it for the whole week, but I can’t work out what it is. I spend a lot of my time feeling pain in my stomach, I have the sickness bug at least every 4 months and I am always feeling tired and lacking energy.

For me one of the hardest parts of having chronic pain is that I haven’t figured out what is normal and what is not, last year I was at the doctors all the time, and I hate feeling like I am making a scene or using up their time so I try not to go to the doctor whenever I feel weird, well because I would be there all the time.

Sometimes all I want to do is complain, to whine and pity myself, but that is a dangerous road to go down. I need to do some self-loving otherwise there is no end.

I have many personal ways to do some self-loving, and I am not talking about reading a book and doing a face mask, although I love that too. My versions of are:

  • 1.Go through all my clothing, sometimes I forget about some items in my wardrobe and get new inspirations on how to wear that it.
  • 2.Go out somewhere new; coffee shop, new part of town, different walking trail.
  • 3.Take some pictures.
  • 4.Go second hand shopping.
  • 5.Create something new.

I am so not sure if this is conventional, or a healthy way of dealing with this weird feeling, but hey it works for me.

I am also obsessed with aromatherapy and sounds creating a calm atmosphere, I use an app called ’Insight timer’ that has many led meditations but right now I am obsessed with the music part of the app, I try to use it every night before I go to sleep, allowing the music to draw me away from dreaming and into a deeper sleep instead. I also love lavender, it has an anti-inflammatory healing property which I like to think does wonders for me, but it is also said to help anxiety, insomnia and other things. I use one of those dishes that has a candle below, so I just use water and a few drops of lavender essential oil and burn it for a while in my bedroom.

This is how I am dealing right now, this is what is in my head space right now. Trying to balance my happiness and sadness in what I think is the healthiest way for me.

I thought I would just share this process, be open about how I am dealing, or the lack thereof so that maybe that will help, or we can discuss it too. I would love to discuss with you how you are feeling and dealing.



My sister told me to rub some peppermint oil on my stomach when I have an upset stomach, I don't know if it's the aroma or how it works, but she's pretty wise about such things.
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